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Dan Savage, let's end the charade and get married.

I know what you're thinking. "Val, Dan Savage doesn't even believe in monogamy. It goes against nature, and he encourages people to explore other options. Also, you like girls. Also, he likes boys." Well, fine. A girl can dream.

Once again, if you've had your head up someone's ass for the past several years in order to avoid the endless pile of shit that is American society, I'll explain the wonder that is Dan Savage to you. Dan Savage is a writer, an advocate, and the producer of the Savage Love podcast, to which you should all subscribe immediately. This is what he looks like.

You can't marry him. He doesn't really believe in it, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. Also I have dibs.

Let me tell you why Dan Savage is better than you and just about everyone else in the world.
1) His name is AWESOME.
2) He is brutally honest when people call into his show, and if they're being fucking morons about love and sex he'll tell them about it.
3) He is the spearhead of the "It Gets Better" campaign, and if you don't find that endearing you should stop reading my blog right now an re-evaluate your status as a human being.
4) He's smart.
5) He doesn't buy into social constructions of sexuality, relationships, matrimony, or anything else. He thinks you should do what feels right to you, and fuck what everyone else has to say about it.
6) He launched an attack on the superintendent, the principal, and the school board of that Constance girl who couldn't take her girlfriend to prom. And he was awesome about it.

Look. If I'm not a credible enough source for you to take my word for it, then a) fuck you, and b) listen to his podcasts. It's better than you can do and it's certainly better than I can do.

Glee, you might be too gay even for me.

Hey, betches!

Today, I'm ranting about a once-beloved favorite of mine. It's a little show that goes by the name of Glee . See below for an accurate and aptly annoying visual representation of the show, in case you've had your head up someone's ass for the past 2 years.

Right, it's that show. Oh, they're all SUCH outsiders because they fucking sing. Nevermind that the talent comprising this cast is worthy of an auditorium of grammys, we are to believe that these tools can't even win a regional singing competition. And that's the premise. The glee club can't get no respect. Also they're all fucking each other, and the teacher is supposed to be straight (casting fail). So, yeah.

You know me. You know I like it gay. What I don't like, however, is how this has become the Kurt Hummel show. I'm sure you know the backstory, but if you don't, Kurt just came out to his dad in the first season and has since struggled to fit in at school. Ohmygod what a novel idea! Except, no. But they dealt with it in the first season amongst a plethora of other ill-conceived and ill-executed storylines, and it was just as passable as the rest of the plot. But this season, they're pissing me off.  The folks at Glee have determined that the best way to avoid a sophomore slump is, apparently, to exploit the gay bullying phenomenon to the max. That means Kurt and his sashaying case of gay face are front and center for basically every episode. And Diva Michelle (oops, I mean Lea Michelle) can't be happy about that.

Look. Bottom line? This show would stay at the top if it were about child pornography. It is so clearly not about the plot, but the singing and the guest stars.  So why do we have to exploit this issue in order to get ratings? Jane Lynch could take a shit on her character's famous tracksuit and the show would still get more viewers than a Fox show has any right to have. So let's give the gay a rest, huh? maybe depend on some other type of outcast to get what you want.

Lates!
V

The Gay List: New York

Hi! I love/hate The A List! Here's why:

First off, if you don't know what The A List is, I don't blame you because even I don't watch Logo. It's a sad, inadequate channel that wishes it were as good (re: gay) as Bravo. But I digress.  Here's an AWESOME visual summary of The A List:

Exactly. It's exactly this.

I wouldn't love it if it weren't for this dreamy guy Reichen, who dated Lance Bass and the rest of the gay community and is hotter than everyone else on the show (and in the world) combined. Also, pretty sure he's packing a LOT.

So that's all I have to say in the positive category. Here's why it blows, pun-sort-of-intended:
1) It's the worst thing to happen to the gay community's image since AIDS. it perpetuates the worst stereotypes ever, and it makes gay men seem slutty and materialistic. Also plastic-y. (I'm looking at YOU, Ryan)
2) I've never seen a more annoying group of gay men. If these were women, the world would hate them. Not love to hate them, just plain hate them. Gay is not an excuse for annoying, people. It's only an excuse for fornication.
3) It makes me hate gay men. There's no real justification for this, and I'm not trying to be clever about it. I just fucking hate most of these queens, and it leaves a bad gay taste in my mouth (minds out of the gutter, friends. I don't know what THAT tastes like, and I wouldn't pretend to).

A lot of 'mos think that any representation is good representation, but I'm not one of those assholes. If you can't do it in a way that moves us forward, get the fuck out of my living room.

I'll leave you with this, because it beats the living shit out of anything Logo has ever done. Ever.

Happy Coming-Out Day! I'm over it.

Hi! Happy Coming-Out Day! Here's why I think it's sort of pointless.

Everyone is a little gay and a little straight. We exist on a sexual spectrum wherein even the most masculine, lady-loving men can be attracted to the odd male now and again. Now, whether or not they can admit that is something altogether different, and deserves a post all its own.

There's no point in essentializing sexuality because the world isn't black and white the way we'd like it to be. Individual people are a complicated mess of intersecting identities, all of which are socially constructed. Structuring an entire day of celebration around the realization that you prefer cock to vadge or vice versa is still sort of supporting this sexual binary that we work so hard to "queer." In other words, this shit is complicated and we're a little outdated in our beliefs. Even I, all-knowing, all-seeing, and infinitely wise, am outdated by calling this blog "'mo problems." It should probably just be called "problems," or "rants from a crazy post-lesbian," because everyone has a little 'mo in them.

It's not that I don't appreciate the thought, Powers That Be in Charge of Coming-Out Day. I do. I just think that essentializing these issues only leads to further segregation and discrimination, which only serves to harm the people brave enough to embrace the queer sexuality THAT WE ALL HAVE TO SOME DEGREE.

Whatever, I'm getting cheese fries. 

With the obvious exception of dentistry, the Brits do everything better.

We can never really get it up for original TV and film production here in the US.

The only successful things we produce are generally stolen from other countries (e.g. The Office, American Idol, the upcoming -and entirely unnecessary- remakes of the Swedish masterpieces Let the Right One In and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo).  Sometimes we steal ideas from books (e.g. Never Let Me Go, Bridget Jones's Diary), but those are also mostly written by people from other countries. In short, we are unoriginal, thieving asshats and I don't blame anyone for thinking so.

Cut to contemporary Bristol, England, the backdrop of the enormously successful (and for once, equally high-quality) British TV drama Skins. It's gritty, dark, depressing, and most importantly, it feels real. The first and second seasons (or series, as they're called across the pond) focus on one set of teens, and the third and fourth seasons focus on a new generation. It is safe to assume that this two-season-per-generation format will carry through the rest of the show. However, regardless of which characters we follow in any given season, the show offers an unapologetic look at teen sexuality, drug use, body image, peer pressure, and everything else you see in bad American teen dramas. The British difference? Skins is smart.

The high production value alone warrants watching, but what's more impressive is its cinematic approach to television production. Extreme attention to detail, shot composition, direction, etc. make this a refreshing change from the endless "mockumentary"-style sitcoms that saturate the television landscape stateside. But I'm not here to talk about the overall quality. I'm here for the gay, just like you!

The first generation focuses on an openly gay character named Maxxie, a cute blond boy whose sexual misadventures are about the hottest thing I've seen since this happened. The second generation is where I'd like to call your attention, though. This group of kids contains THE BEST TV LESBIAN COUPLE EVER. Behold the glory that is Emily Fitch (left) and Naomi Campbell (yes, that's the characters name and it's glorious). After you've finished salivating, tear your eyes away from the photo and I'll talk about why "Naomily" (I FUCKING hate the obnoxious nomenclature, but it's a cultural phenomenon and it makes writing much easier) is better than anything we could come up with stateside.

 Reasons "Naomily" are far superior to TV lesbians in the U.S.:
1) Um, they call it "fucking" and refuse to pretend that the viewing audience has never used/heard the word before.
2) We actually SEE them fucking, which is something lesbians in the U.S. NEVER EVER DO, according to our network TV lesbian representations.
3) They casually do a lot of drugs. This isn't specific to Naomily, though. All the characters just do a shitload of drugs. Casually, and without a forced disclaimer at the beginning/end of the episodes. Jesus, someone smokes a joint in the background of a show in the U.S. and the entire series gets canceled.
4)  They are more explicit on network television than we are in PREMIUM FUCKING CABLE (don't get me started on The L Word).  Like the time Emily woke up and wasn't sure whether or not she cheated on Naomi with the girl in bed next to her, so she did this:

Yeah. We don't do that here. But we SOOOOOO should.
5) They're not pointedly used to get ratings during sweeps week. Ok, I don't know if sweeps are a thing in England, but you get what I'm saying. They're used exactly as the other characters are used, to tell the story of adolescence in contemporary England. Boom. Not for the benefit of straight men, not to be "subversive," not to be "edgy." Just because it's real. They're real. Or at least it feels that way to an American media audience who is only used to televised lesbianism during November, February, and May. 

So. Watch Skins. Aside from the questionable oral hygiene of the characters, it's the best teen drama you'll ever see. If it isn't, I have no use for you and you shouldn't read my blog anymore. Lates!

Mo' 'mo problems.

I'm back, and gayer than ever!

This time I'm critically queer for a grade, so prepare yourselves for more gangst (that's my fancy way of saying gay angst), less early-twenties ennui, and a CLEARLY forced air of professionalism. Looking for a genuinely caring gay blogger? Me neither. That's not what we're about here. 

I like to criticize what little media coverage we gays have, because I'm pretty sure I've seen more authentic gay representation in the goddamn New Testament. So sit back, relax, and let this snarky lady 'mo take you for a wet and wild ride over the rainbow.

xoxo,
Gossip Gay